I’ve spent the better part of two years in a really hard place. Things didn’t suddenly get easier, they’re just different; for the first time in 5 years I am not pregnant and I don’t have an infant. To be honest, I’ve been a little lost lately. I, in no way, am advocating for bringing another baby into our lives—no thank you! But finding my stride as a all-toddler mom for the first time ever is like being an a carousal that never stops. The round-and-round, and up-and-down, repetitive songs/music playing in the background…I haven’t been able to step off until recently.
Let’s be clear: I still don’t know what I’m doing. Even though I’ve (momentarily) stepped off the circle of chaos it’s still as crazy and stressful as ever, but I am doing my best to approach and accept this stage from a place of a little more grace and calm. I need it.
Caring for little people is hard work. Go ahead; nod your head along with me. It’s hard and beautiful, and the worst and amazing all in the same breathe. I guess it has to be for all of us to survive this madness known as motherhood! But I need to get out of survival mode if I can, even for a few moments a month, and feel like I can breathe. Like I am ahead of the game for once. I want to feel like I have some resemblance of control in my life, and within my family. I know that my little people will always dictate the schedule to its core, but my goal before the end of the year is to regroup in a way that takes a little of that control away them. They need grace and calm just as much as I do.
So what am I going to do?
- Go to bed at a reasonable hour each night, even on the weekends: Because you know those kids don’t care that mom and dad stayed up way too late watching prank videos and surfing Amazon deals.
- DRINK. MORE. WATER. If I can do this one thing, and this alone, my body will thank me. I’ve lost some weight this year, but I’ve also lost my quench for drinking water and could drink coffee all day long. So unhealthy. If you have any tips on how you get your water in daily—whilst chasing hooligans and not knowing your head from a hole in the ground—please share!
- Use my planner/Stick to the plan! I have a planner that I adore (and I love making plans in it) but I’ve not been following through with execution. This is not who I am!! I get a rush each time I cross something off my list, but lately I’ve adopted this blasé attitude of being too “ok” that the listed items didn’t get finished. Sure, I don’t want to stress myself out about not getting to everything, but I’ve got to move past ignoring my whole list. Seriously…who am I now?
- Do more + sit less: I wish I meant working out here. While I do need to move more from a fitness level, I am referring to my day-to-day life. I have spent the last year in this state of constant overwhelm and have used it as an excuse in a lot of ways. Bad/hard/crazy/loud moments? “Ok, I’m just going to sit down and take a rest.” BAD IDEA! Because then getting up and executing that planner list becomes that much harder. It eventually makes me more irritable and when the kids need/want something during my time of “taking a break”, I end up communicating with them in an irritable tone. Just typing this makes me sound so juvenile, but I’m just being really transparent. I’m not proud of it, but its happened. A lot. I KNOW that this one will be the most challenging to adopt and find the right balance to avoid burnout. So cheer me on, please!
- Declutter/Simplify: This one should probably be at the top, but I’ve saved the best for last. I have been a dedicated follower of Emily Ley for almost 2 years and the way she approaches simplifying your life in motherhood is spot on. But here I am, in a new stage of motherhood again and needing to readjust and adapt. I am currently reading her book Grace, Not Perfection for a second time to gain new perspective on how to tackle allthethings from a place that allows me to be a better mom and wife. I know that my family deserves so much more from me, and that I have in fact NOT been my best self this year (despite my efforts). And, friends, let me tell you something: when/if you ever feel this way, just remember that you do not need a new calendar year, a new birthday year, or some large milestone in your life in order to regroup and try again! (Thank you Rachel Hollis!) I don’t need/want another excuse to hold me back from getting to my goals. I want to start now, so I am.
I hope you all had a beautiful Thanksgiving with your families, and now that it has passed let me be the first to tell you:
HAPPY HOLIDAYS! 😉